Also they make me feel like I'm a starving child in a developing (third world is not p.c. anymore) country and the white humanitarian missionaries are like 'we come bearing food!' and then they give you nuts which are supposed to be healthy and organic and full of fiber and my impoverished developing country mother, who possesses an abundance of common sense if not worldly goods, is like 'dude we could have picked these off the plants ourselves'. But we eat the nuts anyway because neo-cultural (and religious) imperialism has permeated even the realm of food. They also make me feel (at the same time) that I'm a vegan lesbian with blond dreadlocks who sews her own clothes and underwear, and only bathes once a week in an attempt to save water, and survives on a diet of nuts and seeds and organic toothpaste. Once in a while, and thankfully not often, eating nuts also makes me feel like I'm a squirrel. And squirrels just FREAK me out cause they're all twitchy and conniving and glassy-eyed, which is how I would imagine animals on crack would behave, since that's how all the humans (okay, there's only been one) on crack that I've seen have behaved.
I mean, I don't know if that's a sign of a hyperactive imagination or whether I just really dislike nuts. I still eat them, and I ate this cake, which, other than the nuts, was decent. I especially liked the random bloody pool of raspberry sauce on the plate. I have this theory, that I've put a lot of thought into, that if you put whipped cream on any kind of dessert, your food will taste 70-85% more delicious, and in comparison your waistline will only expand by 2-5%. I won't go into the details but there is of course a dense and convoluted mathematical formula for this theory that I painstakingly constructed on an excel spreadsheet (aka the canvas of my working life), involving a regression of the happiness levels of a sample population (me) against how much my waistline has expanded after I ingest whipped cream. Anyway, the common sense that my imaginary developing country mama has, as well as economics, dictates that we should therefore put whipped cream on everything dessert-related because the trade off/payment is negligible (what is 2% really? If you round down like all politicians and analysts and fund managers do with statistics then it becomes zero). Anyway my point is raspberry sauce makes a similarly compelling argument for Things to Always Put on Desserts. I need to construct a mathematical formula for this theory too, of course (you didn't really think I pulled all this out of my ass, did you?) but hmmm food for thought.
I have no idea why I just wrote such lengthy drivel about nothing in particular. I'm hungry.
