Random Desserts, Sands Expo and Convention Centre

Work Conferences: An Analysis

CONS:
1. Notwithstanding that there are lies, damn lies and then statistics and that I have absolutely no scientific basis for this factoid, I'd say that 80% of the population are terrible at public speaking and giving presentations. I'd also say that 20% of the population love the sound of their own voices. Furthermore, I'm pretty sure that the two segments aren't mutually exclusive, and you have a kind of Venn diagram cross-section of the overlapping segments which would be made up of THE MOST ANNOYING PEOPLE ON EARTH to give a presentation.

So first work conference con: You are BOUND, statistically, to endure at least some presentations by terrible public speakers, as well as terrible public speakers who ramble on at length and with no foreseeable end or point in sight, bypassing time limits, shrugging off schedules, continuing doggedly to just speak on... and on... and on.

I must have aged 5 years during one particular presentation by a CEO who blithely informed the audience that he was going to keep it short, and then went and did the exact opposite.

2. The rooms are always too cold.

3. The coffee is always watery and terrible, not that that stops me from drinking cupful after cupful to ward off soporofic effects of terrible public speakers.

4. I immediately tune out of a presentation after I see more than one exclamation mark or question mark in a row. If you have to "!!!" or "???" you sound more like an overzealous marketer or excitable teenaged girl than accomplished presentation speaker to whom I should be listening. Unfortunately this means I tune out of quite a few presentations.

PROS

1. It breaks the monotony of going to the office.

2. The knowledge gained. Theoretically, anyway. And by theoretically, I mean, as perceived by your bosses who sent you there.

3. The dessert bars at the buffets! Obviously, I saved the most important pro for last.

Tiramisu; Alexis

Not such a fan of chopped nuts on tiramisu, so I don't know about this, Alexis. I may be partial because I'm not really a fan of nuts in general. They make my teeth nervous.


Also they make me feel like I'm a starving child in a developing (third world is not p.c. anymore) country and the white humanitarian missionaries are like 'we come bearing food!' and then they give you nuts which are supposed to be healthy and organic and full of fiber and my impoverished developing country mother, who possesses an abundance of common sense if not worldly goods, is like 'dude we could have picked these off the plants ourselves'. But we eat the nuts anyway because neo-cultural (and religious) imperialism has permeated even the realm of food. They also make me feel (at the same time) that I'm a vegan lesbian with blond dreadlocks who sews her own clothes and underwear, and only bathes once a week in an attempt to save water, and survives on a diet of nuts and seeds and organic toothpaste. Once in a while, and thankfully not often, eating nuts also makes me feel like I'm a squirrel. And squirrels just FREAK me out cause they're all twitchy and conniving and glassy-eyed, which is how I would imagine animals on crack would behave, since that's how all the humans (okay, there's only been one) on crack that I've seen have behaved.


I mean, I don't know if that's a sign of a hyperactive imagination or whether I just really dislike nuts. I still eat them, and I ate this cake, which, other than the nuts, was decent. I especially liked the random bloody pool of raspberry sauce on the plate. I have this theory, that I've put a lot of thought into, that if you put whipped cream on any kind of dessert, your food will taste 70-85% more delicious, and in comparison your waistline will only expand by 2-5%. I won't go into the details but there is of course a dense and convoluted mathematical formula for this theory that I painstakingly constructed on an excel spreadsheet (aka the canvas of my working life), involving a regression of the happiness levels of a sample population (me) against how much my waistline has expanded after I ingest whipped cream. Anyway, the common sense that my imaginary developing country mama has, as well as economics, dictates that we should therefore put whipped cream on everything dessert-related because the trade off/payment is negligible (what is 2% really? If you round down like all politicians and analysts and fund managers do with statistics then it becomes zero). Anyway my point is raspberry sauce makes a similarly compelling argument for Things to Always Put on Desserts. I need to construct a mathematical formula for this theory too, of course (you didn't really think I pulled all this out of my ass, did you?) but hmmm food for thought.

I have no idea why I just wrote such lengthy drivel about nothing in particular. I'm hungry.

Dessert Buffet; Ritz-Carlton, Singapore

The following post is why one should not ever give me access to buffets with generous dessert spreads. I do not have a large enough appetite to eat both savoury AND sweet foods, so when given the choice between something savoury and substantial and something sweet and completely unhealthy, I will of course choose the latter.

Thus I literally stuffed myself to bursting point and seriously almost fell into a weird hybrid of a sugar rush-food coma after lunch. This was not good considering I was sitting right next to my boss in the post-lunch meetings and the only reason I was in Singapore was to attend work conferences, and not, as my stomach had managed to make me forget, to eat like a heifer.

White Chocolate Cake with Raspberries

Blueberry & Chocolate Pudding

Chocolate & Pineapple Cake (sounds like an intriguing combination, but turned out to be neither intriguing nor tasty)

Classic Cheesecake (with a crumbly cookie base: MY FAVOURITE KIND OF CHEESECAKE BASE and one that is surprisingly difficult to find)

Raspberry, Strawberry, Blueberry Berry Cake

Espresso Ice Cream
Vanilla Creme Brulee
Raspberry Pudding

Lemon Meringue Pie
Caramelized Pear
Raspberry Sorbet (I made Mr. Ice Cream Scooper pick out all the raspberry fruit chunks to put in my scoops of ice cream. It ended up taking him ten minutes to put the above concoction together. I'm sorry, Mr. Ice Cream Scooper)

Bread & Butter Pudding (absolute FILTH. Seriously. I couldn't eat more than two bites. How the hell does a six star hotel mess up a bread and butter pudding, by definition the most rudimentary of all puddings? For shame, Ritz Carlton, for shame)

Lemon Pudding with Meringue Topping

I have no idea what this is but seeing as it was on the dessert bar and my mission of the day was to clean out the entire dessert selection, I ate it anyway. Is that disturbing? Yes, more than slightly. Is that surprising? No, not at all.

Pannatini; Dessert's Bar

RASPBERRY-STRAWBERRY PANNA COTTA!

Everytime I think about this dessert I feel the inexplicable urge to dump the contents of the glass onto the floor, magically multiply the amount (it's my fantasy, magic is allowed), creating a giant buoyant deliciously cool and creamy panna cotta bed flecked with mint leaves in which to roll around. While eating strawberries. I'd roll around this panna cotta bed all day and take naps in it, covered by an impossibly unsticky whipped cream blanket (still my fantasy, magic still allowed), and wake up and continue to eat, nap and roll, eat, nap and roll. GLORIOUS.