Brunch is that sexy forbidden love-child of the more granola (literally and metaphorically) Breakfast and the efficient workaholic Lunch. Like I know breakfast gets all this hype and rep for being "important" and "healthy", but my contrarian nature causes me to reject authority and "what is good for me", so adjectives like "important" and "healthy" make me want to pick an argument with whatever is being described in that way. In this instance the argument would go a little something like "Umm yo B-fast? So I know you're the first meal of the day and you fill an empty stomach but other than that, what's the appeal? If I wake up at 1pm and have my first meal of the day then you automatically become Lunch so obviously you're not really very clearly defined or distinct in your personality at all, I mean pick a persona and stick to it, dammit, because if you're that fickle then I'm sorry but I refuse to take you seriously. And while we're on the topic being described as "healthy" is kinda the food equivalent of someone being described as having a "nice personality and good sense of humour". In other words, it's bland and lacking and generic and if you were a person you'd probably be that awkward self-righteous nice guy sitting in the corner being like 'but I'm good for you, why don't you want to date me'.
"And Lunch, I don't want to date you either. Any mention of you is usually preceded by the words "business" or "quick", and sometimes I'd like to force feed you a chill pill and tell you to take life easy and slow down. You are always talking about work, and right after I see you, I have to go back to work and keep doing work although you invariably make me sleepy, which, honestly, is a little torturous. Yet you do this to me, like, five days a week. Logically, all signs point to you displaying signs of sadism. Sadism = Not Hot.
"So Brunch, I still like you best of all. You're slow and easy and languid. You can be savoury or sweet, or both! At the same time (case in point: French Toast and strawberries and bananas and way too much maple syrup)! You are exciting. You keep me on my toes. You also single-handedly evoked a love letter from me, which is pretty impressive. I mean, I don't care this passionately about most HUMAN BEINGS. You, my friend, are a keeper."
XOXOXOX & see you Saturday,
FEI FEI
