Chili Crab and Mantao; No Signboard

Things that have happened since my last blog post:
1. Work
2. Massive food poisoning at a certain hotel that shall remain unnamed where the company had a weeklong training session for work
3. Work
4. Singapore for work
5. Good news at work
6. Ran my first 5km (Yay! This is a Big Fucking Deal for someone who was (past tense!) as averse to exercise as I was.)
7. Work
8. Singapore for work
9. Work

Things that I have learned since my last blog post:
1. Food poisoning will strip you of all your dignity and remind you that food, particularly bad food, can make your body feel things that you cannot begin to fathom. Have you ever burst into tears on the toilet because of a molotov cocktail of pain: combination diarrhoea, stomach cramps, fever and headache, and then passed out on your way out of the bathroom because your stomach was trying to explode and your pain thresholds just didn't want to take that shit (pun intended) anymore and preferred unconsciousness? I have. Before I descend into TMI levels (yes, there is actually More Information to this story, and you should be glad I am not telling it), I shall summarize by saying those were a very undignified few days for me. And also Goosey, when he somehow got food poisoning too (copycat syndrome or sympathy pains? I still don't know).
2. The Singapore-KL MAS flights after 6pm all stink of body odour. But curiously, the Silkair flights smell daisy fresh.
3. That's it. (I haven't learned much.)

Best
Things About Flying to Singapore So Often
1. Hotel gyms. Why yes please, I would like my treadmill served with ice cold water, ice cold aircon, fluffy face towels and personal TV, thank you.
2. Deep fried buns! Accompanied by chili crab of course (I am not as insane as to just eat the buns without the crab. Though I totally would if I knew no one would judge me), but the buns are the underappreciated supporting actor star of the No Signboard show. Why can I not seem to find this in KL? Does Singapore trump KL, or have I not been hanging around in the right mantao appreciating circles? I am a shameless fan of unhealthy, deep fried golden balls of dough to dip into various sauces. Like KFC biscuits... Mmmm KFC biscuits. Someone recently asked me what I missed the most about the US and I said KFC biscuits, because Asia is lame and only has soft buns (just deep fry it, goddammit) and he thought I was joking. I wasn't.

3. That's it. I am on my way to Singapore right now (see, lest you think I am exaggerating when I say work and Singapore have taken over my life (what, me exaggerate and grandiloquize? Never!) I am so totally not that I am proving my own point right now) and it's just getting tiring.

Fatty Crab; Petaling Jaya

Heaven is a plateful of fatty crab drenched in chili sauce. With toasted bread on the side to dip into the delicious sweet and spicy sauce, warm fried rice to wash it down, and barbequed chicken wings to start it off. And did I mention heaven is only RM40ish per person?

For once I will shut up, cease the verbosity, and let the pictures speak for themselves.

Seafood Part 2; Malacca

I had no idea Malacca was famous for its ikan bakar and seafood in general. But now I know, and can concur that the reputation is deserved.

Somewhere in a random little restaurant off the beaten tourist track, I ate the following with nasi lemak (because Malaccans are so enamored of the fatty that they eat nasi lemak (!) in place of normal white rice).

Ikan Bakar: with half the fish sliced and cooked in sweet and sour sauce, and the other half sliced and cooked in some... err, other sauce (I wasn't paying a lot of attention when we ordered, perhaps because it was done mostly in what seemed to me to be rapidfire Malay)


BUTTER PRAWNS!: The fattest little suckers I've seen or eaten thus far in Malaysia

Stingray: I kept thinking of the jolly schoolteacher stingray in Finding Nemo. I know. Morbid. It's a good thing the taste was worth it


And, the best for last: Chili Crab! I usually don't like doing a lot of work to get to my food (part of the reason I have never learned how to cook. Other reasons include: having lived with my sister, who now has a CUPCAKE BUSINESS, and my former roommate, who is now studying how to be a chef at the CIA. The way I see it, it's like the Powers That Be gave me a free pass with the cooking thing) and crabs entail a LOT of work.

The exoskeleton is hard as nails, you have to be extremely careful not to cut yourself on the crab shells (or is that just me?) and not to slop crab sauce all over your shirt and face and neck (is that just me as well?) and you work your way through all that cracking and pulling only to arrive at a piece of flesh that is approximately 30% the size of all the exertion through which you went (assuming exertion can be measured in size terms, but my blog, my measurement scales).


Yet it is SO WORTH IT. It is akin to trudging through a treacherous icy mountain to get to an exotic Shangri-La. It is like manually digging giant holes, with just a rusty shovel, over an entire beach, to find a treasure chest. It is similar to watching an Arsenal game full of missed chances and clenched fists and tears of frustration; a game that is redeemed at the last minute by some beautiful footwork executed by beautiful players that culminates in a beautiful, long awaited goal.

If crab meat was the reward of every arduous task I had to face, I might be a lot more productive a person than I am now.


Ironically though, post-dinner Iman was anything BUT productive. The aftermath was a mini mountain of shells and bones and a comatose overly satiated Iman who kept passing out in the car on the way back. Oh well. Good plan in theory.

Seafood Part 1; Jalan Alor

Chili crabs on Jalan Alor in Bukit Bintang. I ate you in a restaurant boasting sanitary conditions that would have shocked an OCD person into a heart attack, but you tasted so yummy I do not care.

This is just a teaser picture to whet your appetite (see what I did there?! Oh I LOVE puns) for the REAL seafood pictures that are about to come. Just as soon as someone wakes up and send me pictures from Malacca.

On another note: upgraded to a newer BlackBerry today, courtesy of the generous coffers of the Malaysian Government, which means I can take more frequent food pictures. Yay! Yay! Yay! But before you think that Friedman was mistaken and there is in fact such a thing as a free lunch, think again, homie: I will be paying for this Berry in late hours at the office, rushed lunches, frenzied coffee runs, botched dinner plans with my beloved eating partner captain goosey p., and bucketfuls of stress and eyebags. Hmm. Now my enthusiasm is somewhat dampened. Maybe I should focus on the here and now: upgraded to a new BlackBerry, more food pictures for everyone. Yay! Yay! Yay!