Found lying in my unposted archives. I can't believe I was 26 when I wrote this. I'm now halfway to 28! To say time flies would be a gross understatement of how fast it moves and how long I have apparently neglected my blog.
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What is this nonsense?! This is not a food post! Yes, I know, non-existent warden of my kinda-food-blog, but it is the nearing the end of the year, which means I'm getting nostalgic, reflective, and downright sappy about life, because in a few weeks, it'll be a WHOLE NEW YEAR. AND it'll be my birthday. AND next year I'll be married (and I've heard that one must be an adult to do that, so therefore I must be an adult now). AND I just read a book called Dear Me: A Letter To My Sixteen Year Old Self, although I am quite a religious reader of fiction only, and it made me think about what I was like at 16, which I then realised is a mind-boggling TEN YEARS AGO. And the combination of the nostalgia and the holy-shit-ten-years-ago?! manifested itself in... a rambling letter to my 16 year old self (what up 16 year old me). Hopefully in ten years 36 year old me (what up to you too) will write a letter to 26 year old me (cannot what up you, because you are me now).
Dear Sixteen Year Old Iman,
I remember what it was like to be you. You're awkward, worried, geeky and unconfident. You desperately want to get out of Brunei. You are constantly disappointed with yourself. You have major insecurity issues. You know you want something better and bigger and more significant, but you can't articulate what it is that you want. When 26 year old Iman remembers what it was like to be 16 year old Iman, she feels like crying, and let me tell you, at 26, you don't turn on the waterworks on very often at all (except for really important things, like Disney cartoons). The good news is: it gets better! The bad news is: not something I want to tell you, because you need to go through it, and sometimes ignorance is bliss. The bad news I WILL share: the next few years will be Arsenal's best, I don't know what happened after that (metaphorically speaking, because obviously I DO know what happens), so enjoy it while you can.
Other things you should know:
- I don't know when it happens, because I didn't realize, but: your acne-plagued skin, will, one day, no longer be acne-plagued. Your hair will, one day, no longer look like it is equal parts mortal enemy of conditioner and product of electric shock therapy. You will always dislike your nose (we did not get a nose job like you wanted), but you will, one day, stop giving a shit what people think about it. You will, one day, be considered conventionally attractive, even though your first instinct will always be to think the person saying that is fucking with you. And if they were, 26 year old Iman would actually (and has been known to) cuss out or flip off someone who WOULD fuck with her, which she is way more proud of than being thought of as conventionally attractive.
- You can do way better than the people you are dating right now. I AM SO TOTALLY NOT JOKING ABOUT THIS. Please dump you-know-who right now. (Don't worry, he will get over it, and also, he never will start that band and become a rock star, so no loss. In case you were wondering, although I know you aren't.)
- You will have your heart broken, and it will suck. But you will get over it with much less pain and grief than break-up songs will have you imagine, and after a few years, you'll actually struggle to remember what the hell it felt like, because all you can remember is that you must have felt some sort of emotion at the time, because last you checked you aren't a robot, but now, you feel nothing. (Nothing is good.)
- Your siblings will grow up, your parents will age. It will happen so fast. Kiss Ali as much as you can, because he is/was hands down the most adorable baby in the world, but he won't be a baby for long.
- Learn to become a feminist, it will be the best thing you can do for yourself.
- Don't feel bad about being one of the few kids at school who doesn't have a Nokia cell phone. In 10 years, these fruit companies will invent smartphones that will make Nokias look like those brick handphones Umi used to have in the 80s.
- You still won't have it all figured out at twenty-six. Maybe no one ever does figure anything out. (Am still waiting for a letter from 96 year old Iman to confirm or deny this.) But life is good, and too fleeting to spend too much time or effort trying to map things out.
- Keep re-reading The Hitchhikers' Guide to the Galaxy at sporadic intervals, because, one day, that will be how you first bond with the man who will become your husband. (I still can't believe it either.)
